After fleeing the civil war in Sudan as a child, Abang Othow visualised ‘buckets of hope’ to hold onto her memories

“When I was going through my journey from five years old till 11, it was quite frightening because I was beginning to lose memory of my family.” 

We all have different ways of processing memories and trauma. For Abang Othow, writing a memoir has been a crucial form of catharsis after a childhood that saw her displaced from her family before she came to Australia from Kenya as a refugee when she was 18. 

“It was both cathartic and also confronting at times,” she tells Missing Perspectives, reflecting on the process of putting pen to paper. “It has really allowed me to share the strategies in particular, of coming out of survival [mode] and into thriving”. 

Othow was just five when she and her father went to Ethiopa after fleeing the civil war in Sudan. One of the most painful parts of that experience was separating from her mum.

“I think for me, initially, the shock was being being separated from a mother… that was my first biggest trauma. And then not knowing that it would not get better. It just seemed to be like endless trauma after endless trauma, to a point where I was like, ‘When is it going to stop?’” 

When she was 11, Othow and her father headed to Kenya. Her dad eventually returned to Sudan where he was working in politics, and he was later assassinated when Othow was 14. Othow was still in Kenya, and those few years until then had been a pivotal period of her life when she experienced much loss, while also learning of the power of education.

“I was able to go to school for the first time as an 11-year-old,” she says. “Finally, at 11, I had this hope.” 

It was during this time that she realised the joy of books and learning, but was also confronted with the reality that many of her classmates still had both parents with them. “The things they were worried about were not the things that I was worrying about,” she says. 

Othow came to Australia as a refugee when she was 18. She was soon approached to do modelling, before she changed direction and pursued an education career – a decision she says was inspired by her late father.

“Even though I didn’t have the opportunity [to be fully educated], I knew that it was very important in order for me to make an impact in the world,” she explains. “I saw my father’s advocacy and the person he was and how he did so much for so many people, and I equated that with his education.” 

So many decisions Othow has made in her adult life have been impacted by memories of the past. Over time, she’s found her own strategies to manage the emotions that arise when she remembers past events, and she wants to share this with the world in the hope of helping others who may be going through similar experiences. It’s why she appeared on SBS show, Insight recently, speaking about the “buckets of hope” strategy she’s used.

“When I was going through my journey from five years old till 11, it was quite frightening because I was beginning to lose memory of my family.” 

As she navigated feeling unsafe and “going through a lot of trauma at the same time”, Othow says she “needed to hold onto something” to make her “happy”. That was her family. 

“I used to force myself to try to remember positive things,” she says. “As my memory started to fade, I remembered my grandmother, my aunties and my mum. They used to carry these coloured buckets with water. It was always a happy occasion, because it was always either water or had flour or something like for cooking.

“So I remembered that, and I knew I wouldn’t forget the buckets. Even though I started forgetting my mum and started forgetting certain things, I knew that I could hold on to that. So then I created the yellow bucket, for my happy memories, and I developed that so each time things were difficult, every single day, I practised gratitude [now I know the word, I didn’t know the words then].” 

She also had the green bucket for “helping people, sustenance and teaching myself skills and opportunities”, and there were also other colours she visualised including black and red. 

“I’ve gone through a lot, but I’ve been very, very strong mentally, and all I did was using this strategy,” she reflects. “That’s all I did, just being grateful every day, helping someone who needs help, trusting my intuition and seeing myself as a resilient, strong and powerful young girl.” 

Missing Perspectives interviewed Abang Othow after she appeared on the recent episode of SBS Insight called ‘Memory Matters’. You can watch it here on SBS On Demand. 

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Alicia Vrajlal

Editorial and Partnerships Lead at Missing Perspectives
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In the spirit of reconciliation, Missing Perspectives acknowledges the Traditional Custodians of country throughout Australia and their connections to land, sea, and community. We pay our respect to their Elders past, present and emerging and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people today. We acknowledge that land in Australia was never ceded and always was, and always will be, Aboriginal land.

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