TW: Discussion of domestic violence
In a recent episode of the Channel 9 show, contestant Paul Antoine admitted he had punched a hole in a door after an off-camera argument with his partner Carina Mirabile in their apartment. The pair’s argument allegedly started when Carina had told Paul she had slept with an international rapper before MAFS started filming.
“I’m going to admit to everyone what I’ve done. I did something that I absolutely regret. It’s unacceptable, it’s disgusting and I was hating myself for doing this,” he told his co-stars in an episode that aired last month.
Paul expressed remorse to Carina in front of the cast and the show’s experts – John Aiken, Mel Schilling and Alessandra Rampolla – during a commitment ceremony episode. The pair have since stayed on the show that is currently airing, but was pre-filmed a few months ago.
“It does not matter what she said,” Rampolla said on the show, adding, “It does not matter how disrespected you felt. You do not punch walls. You do not punch doors. Period. Full stop. That intimidates.”
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NSW Police confirmed on Friday February 28 that an investigation into the incident had been launched. “The matter has been referred to officers from South Sydney Police Area Command, who have commenced an investigation,” NSW Police said in a statement to NewsWire, published on news.com.au.
“As the investigation is current, police will not be making any further comment in relation to the matter.”
According to The Sydney Morning Herald, SafeWork confirmed it had received a report of “an alleged work health and safety issue related to a MAFS episode and was considering the report”.
Delia Donovan is CEO at DVNSW, a peak body for specialist domestic and family violence services in New South Wales. Donovan says that the organisation is “concerned about the portrayal of harmful behaviours in reality TV shows, particularly those as widely watched as Married At First Sight”.
“These programs certainly have a responsibility to uphold a duty of care to their cast members and we expect they will comply with an ethical framework to ensure the safety of participants and audiences,” Donovan tells Missing Perspectives.
While Carina wanted to stay on the show with Paul, Donovan believes that MAFS has a responsibility to intervene and not downplay the seriousness of the issue.
“Unfortunately, when incidents of harmful behaviour are overlooked or downplayed, like the one being discussed, it sends a dangerous message to viewers that such actions are acceptable or tolerable,” she says.
Writer, activist and anti-violence advocate, Tarang Chawla is co-founder of Not One More Niki, a grassroots non-profit working to end men’s violence against women named in memory of his younger sister Nikita who was murdered by her partner in 2015. He agrees that production teams and networks can do more in two respects. Firstly, communicating that problematic behaviour won’t be tolerated, and secondly, taking immediate action to thoroughly investigate any incidents (ie don’t wait until it airs).
“I think shows need to set some pretty clear ground rules about violent or threatening actions by participants,” Chawla tells Missing Perspectives. “Whether or not Paul’s ‘TV wife’ Carina chooses to stand by him is her decision to make and she should be empowered to choose what is right for her.
“But the very fact that Paul’s actions were what led to the initial controversy and it did not appear that they were acted on before public outcry is cause for concern. MAFS is one of the most watched shows in the country and they could have made a pretty strong statement against DV by being seen to do something without needing the public to tell them.”
In a statement made by the Nine network and production company Endemol Shine Australia, both parties said they take contestants’ welfare “extremely seriously”, and that “extensive consultation with Carina” had taken place.
“Our first priority at all times has been the wellbeing and safety of the participants and after extensive consultation with Carina, she wanted to remain in the experiment with Paul. We continue to provide support for Carina and Paul,” the statement read.
“Nine and Endemol Shine take their obligations in respect to the health and wellbeing of the participants of this program extremely seriously. All participants have access to the show psychologist and welfare resources during filming, during broadcast and once the program has ended.
“Nine also have an additional service for participants should they like or need further individual and confidential psychological support.
“This service gives participants access to clinicians to support those involved in the program in relation to their experiences. This service is available to all participants for as long as they need it, it does not end”.
In an interview with the MAFS Funny podcast, Carina spoke about the support she and Paul had received from the show’s producers.
“They gave us both the help that we were requiring,” she said. “He was banned from alcohol for the rest of the series. They gave him therapy sessions every Saturday morning. There were a lot of things that had to come into place for it to be a safe environment.”
She added: “At the end of the day, I felt safe and it was up to me essentially [if he stayed on the show].”
Both Chawla and Donovan highlight that in this incident, like many others, things are not so black and white.
“Things like punching holes in walls and other kinds of behaviour are often not thought of as DV because for many people they think, ‘He’s not physically harming her, so how is that violence?’ But for those working in the sector, it can be a precursor to escalating behaviours,” says Chawla.
“In any case, it demonstrates harmful coping mechanisms and also hints that Paul might be jealous of his partner’s life before they were together. Paul can feel upset about it but he doesn’t have any right to take that out on Carina, and he doesn’t ‘own’ her or her body, or her past or future choices.”
Donovan draws attention to the importance of talking about coercive control in wider discussions around domestic violence.
“The portrayal of coercive control must also not be forgotten in this conversation,” she says. “Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour, when someone repeatedly hurts, scares or isolates another person to control them. It became a criminal offence in NSW on 1 July 2024 and research has shown that coercive and controlling behaviours were present prior to murder in 97% of DFV homicides between 2000 and 2018.”
TV shows like MAFS often hold a mirror up to society when it comes to various issues like relationships, friendships, mental health, body image, sexism and diversity. These experts say that it equally has the opportunity to initiate impactful conversations and learnings around domestic violence.
“The incident could have presented a real learning opportunity, not only for the participants in the MAFS experiment, but for the viewing public,” says Chawla.
“A lot of myths about DV persist because of inappropriate or incorrect media representations of DV in intimate relationships. This could have been an opportunity to unpack why many men feel jealousy or entitlement over women’s bodies and behaviours. Given the seriousness of DV in Australia at the moment, we lost a worthwhile chance to have a meaningful conversation about how DV presents, and what we can do to prevent it.”
Donovan adds: “We hope that programs will consider their ethical responsibility to not only entertain but also to contribute positively to the public’s understanding of healthy relationships. They should ensure harmful DFV scripts are called out and dealt with appropriately, to make it clear to their audience that these behaviours are not acceptable.
“We stand firm in our commitment to supporting survivors of domestic violence and urging all forms of media to be part of the solution rather than perpetuating harmful patterns of behaviour.”
Missing Perspectives has contacted Channel Nine for comment.
If you or anyone you know is affected by domestic, family or sexual violence and needs support, please call 1800 RESPECT.
