My dad is a Malaysian-Chinese immigrant who treats saving money like an Olympic sport. Frugality wasn’t just a habit, it was his personality. To him, saving money meant freedom. It is how he retired early and became a full-time, stay-at-home dad.
My mum is the complete opposite. She is Australian, with Irish-Scottish roots, and her philosophy was simple: what is the point of life if you don’t enjoy it? She believed money was meant to be spent on comfort, connection and fun.
That clash wasn’t just a quirky difference. It was one of the biggest reasons their relationship broke down.
I Saw Both Sides of the Money Story
After they divorced, I lived with Dad and Mum would visit from time to time. I remember little money arguments erupting constantly.
Dad would insist we pile on extra layers of clothes in winter because turning on the heater was, in his eyes, burning money. When Mum visited, she would crank up the heating to make the place cosy and they would have a full-blown argument about the electricity bill.
It wasn’t just the heater. Mum would spend hours on long-distance phone calls with her family. Back in the early 2000s, those calls were expensive, and Dad would stress over every cent. Meanwhile, Dad would spend literal hours driving between different supermarkets just to save a few dollars on sausage rolls for my birthday party. One time we actually thought he got lost because he was gone for so long comparing prices.
I saw how extreme both sides could be. Dad’s frugality kept us financially stable, but we rarely did anything fun. No holidays, no movies, no splurges. Our only trip was visiting relatives in Singapore, and even then, he refused to spend money on activities. It wasn’t until I went back to Singapore as an adult that I realised you can actually have fun there. My cousins later told me they begged Dad to take me to the zoo, Universal Studios or anywhere, but he always said no because of money.
Mum, on the other hand, made life feel exciting. We would go to the movies, eat out, or do fun things together, but I also saw how she sometimes struggled to afford basic necessities.
It Made Me Obsessed With Finding Balance
Watching their constant arguments and opposite money beliefs, I couldn’t help but wonder why they couldn’t find a middle ground. In some ways, they were perfect for each other. Mum taught me that money is for enjoying life, Dad taught me that saving money buys you freedom.
But the lack of balance tore them apart and it left me swinging between two extremes as I got older.
When I got my first job at McDonald’s, earning $10 an hour, I went straight into my fun era. I spent all my money on clothes, movies, smoothies, basically living my best life, until I realised I was broke and didn’t want to be working in retail forever.
So, I swung to the other extreme. When I moved out of home at 19, I became so frugal I wouldn’t even order coffee when I went out with friends. I thought I was being smart, but I robbed myself of so many little joys.
The Journey to Financial Balance
These days, I feel like I have found a better balance, most of the time. I still slip into old habits, either over-saving or over-spending, but understanding both perspectives has helped me build a life I love.
That struggle to find balance stayed with me for years. Eventually, I realised so many others were asking the same questions I was: how do you enjoy life now without sacrificing your future? That realisation is what inspired me to write The Fun Finance Formula, part memoir and part practical guide. It is where I share the lessons and mindset shifts that helped me step off the swing between overspending and over-saving and finally create a sense of peace with my finances.
What I have learned is this: you don’t have to choose between fun now and freedom later. The real work is finding your version of balance and trusting that it is okay if that looks different from the one you were raised with.
Queenie Tan is one of Australia’s leading personal finance educators and the author of The Fun Finance Formula. Through her platform Invest with Queenie and SaaS tool Billroo, she helps Millennials and Gen Z reimagine their relationship with money.
Top photo source: Supplied
