I wish that I could say “same old story, time again”, but truly this is new territory for asexual people, as one of the music industry’s biggest stars has stated that they are on the asexual spectrum!
In a 2023 episode of the We’re Having Gay Sex Podcast, songstress Chappell Roan revealed that she considers herself demisexual, bemoaning this fact as she wishes that she could experience having casual sex, but that just isn’t the way she is wired. For those unaware, demisexuality is classified as people who can only feel sexual attraction after they’ve formed a strong emotional connection. Demisexuality is on the asexual spectrum.
As both an asexual woman and a longtime Chappell fan, when this interview clip resurfaced on my TikTok feed, I was absolutely floored. So much of my life is spent googling “are any celebrities asexual” and going deep into the depths of Reddit to try and find my people! And you may think that discovering that one of my favourite artists is in my community would fill me with overwhelming joy, and yes it did. But, there was also an unmistakable sadness. Sadness that this is not more public knowledge, sadness for all of the other lost souls in the ace community out there who are just looking to see themselves in a public figure.
Let me just quickly say this, I am so glad that Chappell is one of the faces of the lesbian pop scene and she makes so many lesbians feel so seen and represented, I just want that same visibility and loving fervour for ace Chappell as I see for lesbian Chappell.
From her comphet smash hit Good Luck Babe, to her drag aesthetic, so much of Chappell’s public identity is intrinsically tied to queerness, so when we discuss her being a lesbian trailblazer, why do we not discuss how she is also a demisexual trailblazer?
Asexuality is so deeply misunderstood by the queer community and straights alike. They think asexuality is just not having sex, so a person who wears revealing clothing and sings songs about being eaten out can not be on the asexual spectrum in their eyes. People do not care to educate themselves regarding their misconceptions about asexuality. I mean, why should they care? It’s not like asexuality is a mainstream enough cause to give a fuck about.
Perhaps if there was a public figure on the asexual spectrum, then maybe people would understand. Oh wait, there is. It’s Chappell. But no one is talking about it!
The idea that a person can be both asexual and a lesbian is likely mind-bending to many, as they think that a person can only have one identity, without realising that sexuality is a multifaceted thing.
And it should not shock anyone that the patriarchy is another one of the main reasons why Chappell’s status as a card carrying member of the asexual community is fairly unknown.
I have written before about how the lack of asexual TV characters is a product of the male gaze, and I wholeheartedly believe that this applies to Chappell as a public figure. Women are always going to be viewed as sexual objects by society, so a woman who stands in any degree of opposition to sex is diametrically opposed to the box that the universe wants to put her in, so they cast her aside and try to ignore those parts of her.
Chappell’s star is rising more and more by the day, and her status as a modern day queer visionary could do a massive service to the asexual community by giving them the representation we are in dire need of.
I understand that some people might make the argument that it is not her responsibility to uplift an entire community of people, but Chappell has time and time again stated her desire to be a vocal part of the queer community.
So right now I am just a girl, writing about an artist she loves, begging the world to celebrate asexual people in the same way we do with other queer people.