The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy and togetherness, yet for many women, it’s anything but. Reports consistently show a spike in domestic violence incidents around Christmas, as financial stress, family pressures, and societal expectations create a combustible mix. For women in abusive relationships, the holiday season can be the most dangerous time of year, especially when the stigma around leaving can act as an invisible chain.
For single mothers, particularly those from South Asian communities like mine, this stigma is deeply entrenched. Women contemplating escape often face not just fear for their safety, but also a barrage of cultural guilt. Single motherhood is viewed as failure, as if a woman’s worth hinges entirely on her marital status. I know this firsthand.
When I officially became a sole parent to my son at nine months old, I knew I was cutting against the cultural grain. The expectations for women in our community are clear: you excel in school, go to university, marry (preferably by 25, ideally by 23 if you want to give your parents something to brag about), have two children, and stay married—no matter what. Anything else is considered a deviation. I wasn’t just deviating; I was sprinting in the opposite direction with a baby in my arms.
Onto the stigmas. Society loves to make single mothers feel less-than. There’s the dreaded “broken home” label, as if my son and I spend our days crying over microwave dinners in a dark room. For the record, we eat very well. There’s also a hum of, “No one will want to date you with a child.” I’ve rarely encountered this problem, and if anything, it has weeded out the time wasters.
But frankly, the implication that a woman’s worth is determined by her ability to attract a partner—especially after making the courageous choice to leave an unsafe or unhappy relationship—is not just offensive but profoundly disempowering. Women are more than their relationships. Our value is in our strength, our resilience, and the lives we build for ourselves and our children.
Yet, these stigmas don’t exist in a vacuum. Society is set up for heteronormative, coupled families in almost every way. A two-parent household is treated as the default, the ideal, leaving single parents to feel as though they’ve failed before they’ve even begun. This systemic bias doesn’t just alienate single mothers—it actively discourages women from leaving abusive or unhappy relationships because they fear being ostracised or unsupported.
This is why destigmatising single motherhood is critical to empowering women. If society continues to see single mothers as “less than,” we will continue to trap women in untenable situations. When we normalise single motherhood as a legitimate and valid family structure, we allow women to make choices rooted in safety and self-respect, rather than fear of judgment.
As a South Asian woman, I faced immense pressure to conform, to remarry, and to uphold the cultural expectations that framed my marital status as a marker of personal success. But instead of directing my energy toward meeting those expectations, I poured it into building a life for my son and me on our own terms. Acknowledging my privilege in having stable work and owning a home, it still hasn’t been easy. There are moments of loneliness, financial strain, and missed professional opportunities.
Today, however, I look at how far we’ve come and feel nothing but pride. My son recently won his class’s yearly award for academic excellence—a testament to the stability and encouragement he’s found in our home. I was honoured to win the IABCA Business Leader of the Year award and was a finalist in the Women’s Agenda Leadership Awards for Agenda Setter of the Year. I’m sharing these milestones because we need more visible examples of single mothers who are not just surviving but thriving.
To women in abusive or unhappy relationships, I want to say this: Your worth is not defined by your ability to fit into society’s narrow definitions of family or success. Your home is not broken just because it looks different. And your life is not incomplete without a partner. There is a beautiful, peaceful, and fulfilling life waiting for you on the other side of fear and judgment.
To society, I say this: The stigma against single mothers doesn’t just hurt them; it keeps countless women trapped in harm’s way. It’s time we dismantle these damaging narratives and create a culture where all family structures are valued. Only then can we empower women to make choices that prioritise their safety, happiness, and wellbeing.