Content warning: This article discusses miscarriage and pregnancy loss.
Earlier this week, one of my close friends sent me an Instagram clip from Australia’s Today Show. “Sarah Abo is expecting a baby boy,” read the text sprawled across the video’s thumbnail. But when I watched the snippet from the morning breakfast show, I quickly learnt that Sarah’s wasn’t the usual celebrity pregnancy announcement that I’ve often encountered during my many years covering entertainment and celebrity news.
”I know it’s obviously very happy news, but it hasn’t been the easiest journey to get here… I know a lot of our beautiful viewers out there have been through this and are feeling this right now, because it’s not as easy as some might think pregnancy is,” Sarah shared in the segment. “It’s been a bit of a bumpy ride, but here we are and it’s getting harder to hide.”
Opening up about having two miscarriages last year, an emotional Sarah shared that this influenced her decision to hold off sharing her pregnancy until now – just past the halfway point.
“I think that’s also why I’ve been so cautious about sharing this news, which obviously I’m so thrilled to be sharing with you all, but I’m still terrified,” she said.
“I’m still finding it hard to believe that it’s happening and I will lean in and enjoy it, but a lot of people understand what it’s like to have this cautious optimism.”
Sarah and husband Cyrus shared the news with their parents after the “most recent test”, and the TV presenter also highlighted the role age plays in fertility struggles.
“When you’re a 40-year-old woman and pregnant for the first time this far along, it doesn’t happen overnight,” she said.
“I just want everyone to know that this takes work and effort, and I don’t want people out there to think just because you want it, it’s going to happen.
“For those of you who are going through this as well, you are not alone. You might feel like you are, but you’re absolutely not alone.”
After watching the video, I scrolled through the Instagram comments section. It was easy to see how great of an impact Sarah’s words had on viewers, many of whom are women who’ve experienced pregnancy loss or fertility issues of their own. What struck an even greater chord with me – as a woman of colour – was knowing the power of Sarah’s words if we acknowledge the intersection of gender and race.
Born in Damascus, Syria and raised in Australia since the age of four, Sarah’s been cohosting the Today Show for just over three years alongside Karl Stefanovic. When her casting was announced back in November 2022, I wrote an article examining the positive impact her role had on many Arab women in Australia, who’d been longing to see someone who looked like them on TV. Representation matters, and when Sarah shared her experiences related to pregnancy loss and fertility, she ultimately used her platform to speak about issues that are particularly delicate to discuss in many multicultural communities.
Speaking from a second-generation perspective, as someone born and brought up in Australia as the child of immigrants, I believe what deters many of us from speaking about these issues is the cultural expectation imposed on us from the beginning: to have a baby by an ‘appropriate’ age, and if we don’t, we suddenly owe everyone an explanation. Yet, why would someone want to share something so deeply personal when they’re being grilled with such intrusion from the get-go? I haven’t experienced pregnancy or pregnancy loss. I don’t intend to speak on behalf of women who have, but, I do feel passionately about this because I have my own story, as we all do.
I can’t tell you the number of times I’ve been asked, particularly by people within my own Indian community, if I’m ‘planning’ to have a baby soon. ‘Well, are you trying?’… ‘You should start, you’re getting older’. I’m only 34, by the way.
Remember what Sarah said? ”I know it’s obviously very happy news, but it hasn’t been the easiest journey to get here… I know a lot of our beautiful viewers out there have been through this and are feeling this right now, because it’s not as easy as some might think pregnancy is.”
And this: “I just want everyone to know that this takes work and effort, and I don’t want people out there to think just because you want it, it’s going to happen. For those of you who are going through this as well, you are not alone. You might feel like you are but you’re absolutely not alone.”
This is what I wish community members thought about before asking when you’re having a baby. Do they ask with such a sense of entitlement because of a lack of knowledge about these issues? Or because of cultural taboos around them? I suspect it’s a mix of both.
As Monash University reported in 2023, “miscarriage and stillbirth were more common in culturally and linguistically diverse (CALD) communities than the general population, and even higher amongst refugee communities” according to Senior Registrar in Obstetrics and Gynaecology and University of Melbourne doctoral candidate Dr Amita Tuteja.
“Access to health services and prevention support is low for those from CALD backgrounds for various reasons including finance,” she said, also acknowledging new migrants potentially “having no Medicare card, and language” barriers.
“For those from CALD backgrounds, social support is so important but is limited. If you are someone who has newly arrived, there is no family or friends who can support you. Furthermore, miscarriage is such a private matter and they don’t want to call their family at home to talk about their miscarriage.”
I don’t think that open conversations about fertility and women’s health issues should come at the cost of a woman not having the agency to speak about her body when she wants to. And it’s why I believe that Sarah’s words addressed both of these instances – as much as they may seem to be at odds with each other – really well.
As I’ve become older, I’ve learnt more about my body, and developed a greater understanding of potential challenges ahead as the years progress. As I said earlier, I haven’t experienced pregnancy or pregnancy loss. I don’t intend to speak on behalf of women who have, and I also don’t owe anyone any other details about myself. But what I really hope Sarah’s words convey are two messages.
First, to multicultural communities: Sometimes there’s a reason why it’s important to consider a woman’s potential circumstances before outrightly asking her, “When are you having a baby?”
And finally, to women of colour: These experiences are more common than you may realise. You’re certainly not alone. And if you’re not ready to speak about it yet but want to educate your community, well… Sarah’s video is only one Instagram post away.
If you or anyone you know has experienced the loss of a child and needs support, you can reach out to The Pink Elephants Support Network or call the 24/7 Red Nose Grief and Loss hotline on 1300 308 307.